“The art of taking feedback is such a crucial skill in life,” Ryan Holiday writes in his book Ego is the Enemy. Now you probably understand the importance of receiving feedback intuitively, but in reality, it still feels like a tough pill to swallow.

Why is criticism so cringeworthy? Because not only are we are innately wired to react to negative things, each one of us brings a load of baggage from criticism in childhood and how our parents taught us to socialize with others. Even those whose parents were skillful “loving correctors” may nonetheless react poorly when judged by others.

Further, we tend to focus on negative criticism and blow up its importance. Psychologists have long studied our propensity to focus on negative occurrences and words as a means of survival (called the negativity bias). Did you know that takes five positive events to make up for just one negative event in our brains? This imbalance means we will often exacerbate and dwell on something negative we hear about ourselves rather than using it for what it is: instructions on how to get better.

Failure Happens to Us All

This is a true story and, most likely, you or someone you know has experienced this.

Here it goes. Girl reads job posting for a position at a popular, global tech company. She thinks, “I have a shot at this, I’ll apply.” She tailors her resume for the role, writes a cover letter, and spruces up her LinkedIn profile.

A couple of days later, she gets an email back and schedules a check-in interview. The girl studies and learns everything about the role and the company that she can.

Next, there’s a second interview. More studying and preparing. Then a third and fourth interview with accompanying hours of preparation. She leaves feeling pretty good about her performance.

But, after a few days of crickets and tumbleweeds, she gets a rejection email that says, “we will provide feedback.”

Here Lies a Crossroads that Separates the Winners and Losers

Has this ever happened to you?

How can the job applicant in the story above turn this scenario into a “Win” for herself?

At Uplift, we like to call this “failing UP,” which is basically when you take a negative circumstance and turn it into a learning experience that ultimately helps you grow.

Here’s what she needs to do and what you can do next time you face negative feedback:

1. Get Comfortable with Hearing Negative Feedback

In fact, ask for it.

Go out of your way to get more information about how you can improve. From job interviews to annual reviews, try to get as much feedback as you can so you can get used to hearing it. The upside is that you’ll have practiced handling criticism and be able to use it when really counts.

Quick tip: At the end of a job interview, try asking, “Is there anything I said or didn’t say that would affect your decision?” Open the floor to criticism so you can tackle it head-on.

2. Stop Trying to Disprove Negative Feedback

Our egotistical brains will do anything to disprove negative feedback including creating elaborate excuses, fantastical stories, and adjusting our perception of reality to deflect criticism of ourselves. However, if you really want to learn about yourself, stop arguing, and start listening.

3. Start Looking at Negative Feedback As a Gift

After you get any feedback, say, “thank you.”

Take a second and realize that it’s cruel to be kind. People who don’t get or listen to criticism are missing out. Even better is the feedback that you initiate yourself, that you ask for, and want. It’s just what you need to force yourself to take an affirmative step forward in your life.

To quote Ryan Holiday again, ask for feedback and listen, “because it’s time you understand that the world is telling you something with each and every event. Things about you, things about others, things about life. It’s all feedback–easily translated into precise instructions.”

So, What Will You Do Next Time Someone Wants to Give You Feedback?

Ask yourself, “how thick is my skin?” Can I take negative feedback and use it as constructive fuel to make me better and more resilient?

Quick Tip: Test the waters by giving yourself feedback and doing a personal annual review.

QUESTION: What’s the best negative feedback you ever received and why?